To My 3 Biggest Fears
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It’s time we moved on. Letter 2 of 3.
Dear My Fear of Vulnerability,
I am writing this letter to you, My Fear of Vulnerability, because I have a few things to say to you.
I have a lot of dreams and ideas. Even though they keep coming back to me like a mosquito at night, I keep many of my ideas inside of me. But you have trained me to be afraid of the opinions of someone I trust. Are they going to shoot it down? According to you, they might because two weeks ago they said X that is slightly or directly related to it.
Just because that person is ahead of me in life doesn’t mean my dream is not worthy of an attempt. Because they might not have ever seen that opportunity, or they have said no to that opportunity because it will not benefit their life.
Yes, their advice is valuable. It is worth my time to ask questions. I can no longer stay quiet about my idea because they — according to you — might say no.
The simplest thing I have always wanted was to fit in. So I followed your advice, Vulnerability to follow the crowd. Don’t make waves.
Yes, in elementary school, I was bullied. But unlike what you have told me, Vulnerability, that doesn’t mean I have to be quiet the rest of my life. Yes, I became afraid of speaking my ideas because I had speech issues. I had a tied tongue until I was ten, which made it hard for me to say certain sounds correctly. I think faster than I can talk so, sometimes I will speak words out of order.
Maybe I am not meant for the 9 to 5. There has to be a reason why 500 plus job applications failed. It is becoming clear to me that I am not supposed to follow the crowd. My gifts are for building a new path. I was the average student, average at sports, average at everything. What if I stopped allowing myself to accept being average. What if I chose to be the greatest in the world at one thing and started forging my path with my gifts? Because the road you are telling me to follow is a hamster wheel.
Now Vulnerability, I am not saying it my life has to be easy or painless. I am not saying I have to know every single step. Because how do you learn unless you make mistakes? How do you build strength and resilience if you never do work that pushes your limits? I cannot…
